Paying attention as the most exhausting part of parenting with ACEs

“I wonder if others have experienced paying attention as the most exhausting part of parenting. In yourself and in the parents you know, love or work with who are parenting with ACEs, how do parents learn the verb of parenting, learn and balance care and self-care on the job?”

ACEs Too High

Kai in china

I used to sneak away for a hot bath as often as possible when my daughter was in the need-me-every-minute years. I’d soak long past when the water went cold and I felt guilty at times but sometimes I needed to be alone.

To read poetry.

To have some physical space.

To exhale.

I didn’t always know where or how to pamper or provide self-care to myself. There were few adults I trusted to help me. I believed in attachment-style parenting and wanted to be there all of the time for my daughter. And that even made me feel guilty when I craved alone time. Like any alone time I took meant not being present for my daughter.

She’d sit on my lap when she ate. Or I ate.

She’d use my body as a mattress. She could rest best when being rocked or walked. I wore her often when…

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