Space and Identity

th2ZUJ1DL8Interesting piece by Lissa which I found worth the read and thought – here it is in case you missed it – She writes -“Your soul is pushing through the soil like a spring bulb bumping up against frozen earth—pushing relentlessly against the resistance.” It is it seems about identity, that which is ever-changing, never static and is our freedom to be whoever we want to be.thETFJ4W7N
Both the bulbs pictured here are old favourites (not my photos and thank you to the photographers) and have I managed in the distant past to grow them both, one tiny and the other one of the largest bulbs in nature. These days I manage only the Easter Lily, sometimes called the Belladonna Lily, and a sweetly perfumed type of jonquil. Both have nostalgic associations going back to my childhood garden and to the area I lived in which was prone to bushfires. After a bushfire, a whole garden could be wiped out, with very old trees and shrubs decimated. After the first rains, the Easter lilies would appear, no leaves just a thick sturdy stalk with a dramatic pink and white flower with a heavy scent. As the flower faded the strappy leaves appeared, bringing hope of new life and regeneration and eventually a new identity for the garden.
It took me a very long time to realise that identity is a changing thing, that it flows and grows, alters and develops, according to what we experience and where life takes us. The following article was written for teachers, but is an interesting tiny potted history of identity and development – We adoptees are affected differently from non-adoptees, because of our disrupted bonding, our destroyed attachment to our mothers and other factors, such as our possible lack of suitable role models. Nothing quite fits for some adoptees and we are left floundering, with no support or assistance, because we are told ‘adoption is beautiful’ and that we should be ‘grateful’ and just fit in without complaint or reservation. Sadly for those who preach this, nothing could be more unhelpful to adoptees and ultimately to adopters, who will struggle eventually with trying to impose these ideas or with the results of the imposition of the ideas. For those adoptees, who in addition, struggle with sexual identity, often unhelped by insensitive, dismissive or judgemental parenting, life can be even more difficult. The resulting mental health difficulties some suffer, may last many decades or longer and are not easily resolved. The damage done by ineffectual or wrongly directed parenting and by the unskilled or ill-conceived ideas about how to choose effective adoptive parents must be incalculable.
So many adult adoptees are told that adoption has improved and is ‘much better these days’. Quite clearly it is not and in some respects it is worse. Witness the young women hoodwinked, bribed, blackmailed, tricked into adoption by those who are carefully trained to do so. You’re probably all familiar with the young woman who gave up twins for adoption, but insisted she had ‘placed them’, which she found a more acceptable term. A little while later at 26, and with the same father, she was pregnant again but decided she might now be old enough to ‘enjoy’ parenting!! No doubt she also was led to believe that she had done something beautiful and self-sacrificing for the good of others in making adoptees out of the twins. Hopefully they were kept together, as we so often hear, even today, of twins being parted by adoption, often made part of studies and research projects or the objects of curiosity. How our hearts hurt to hear these tragic tales of separation and double loss inflicted on the innocent babies who could surely be treated with more respect, compassion and kindness. Adoption is so often cruel, harsh and unrelentingly ugly and without remorse, understanding or knowledge. Surely we can do better?


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