My comment in case it is not published – Remember we adult adoptees are grown, those you adopted mostly are not. They have a long way to go through this adoption journey. They too will find their voices and speak out about adoption. As with many other non-adoptees you have simplified our story – if it is not one thing it must be another you think is opposite.
“The adoptees who aren’t speaking out (and far outnumber those who are calling out adoption) are the ones who are satisfied in life, the ones who accept their adoptive family as their own, ones who’ve found their birth family and either have a good relationship with them or have decided to let it be.” You make a gross generalisation here. I am one example after 70 years of adoption of an adoptee who speaks out continually, who is satisfied with my life, who accepts all my families as my own and who sees that there are many non-adoptees who do not understand the complexities or see that the adoption journey has only just begun for some families. Yes I’m grateful for not being raised in an orphanage, I’m not bitter or twisted and yes I am angry when I see what is done in the name of adoption. What compassionate person wouldn’t be?
It really is time non-adoptees stopped telling us how to behave – it’s rude, demeaning and unacceptable. I too feel bad for prospective adopters. If they do their homework and research properly they will have pause for thought many times and have difficulty in finding an ethical adoption agency or a country that doesn’t commodify it’s children. They will question whether they have the skills, the abilities, the commitment and the endurance to provide a loving family for a traumatised child who is suffering from mother-loss as all adoptees do. Far too many are approved who should not be and are let down, unsupported when the going gets rough. They are lied to, given false information and left to fend for themselves after paying vast sums of money to obtain a child. Adult adoptees in America are treated as second-class citizens. Adoption is a mess and no-one seems to have the will to put it right. Perhaps that’s because it is a profitable industry.”
Adoptees are “flipping the script” during National Adoption Month, sharing the other, unattractive side of adoption. It’s their right. I’m not an adoptee and can’t speak for them, but part of me doesn’t like seeing this opportunity of beauty turned into something that’s looked down upon.
Now, some will probably raise hairs at my mention of adoption being an opportunity of beauty, but for some it is. I see our story as beautiful. Sure there have been some really ugly, horrible moments, days, weeks, months, but we’ve come through it, and I’ve experienced such unparalleled joy and contentment. It’s beautiful.
Why is it beautiful? Because I can separate what my children went through, their abuse, neglect, and trauma, from their adoption. What they went through before foster care, I would compare with hell, what they went through while visiting their bio parents while in foster care wasn’t much better,but
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