Things Not to Say to an Adopted Child

IMG_8191Writing this blog has been hard lately, harder than wadding through treacle, or since I’ve never actually done that, but have waded through quick sand, I can tell you it’s frightening, especially if like me you had the child of a friend in your care. Life has many frightening cards to pull on us which can bring us an annus horribilis as the now rather ancient Queen of England once explained in an attempt to show her subjects she too was just like them in suffering misfortune and the ills all humans are prone too – divorce, death, illness and so on. When we are living through an annus mirabilis we are generally too busy, excited, pleased or happy to spend time blogging, tweeting or writing speeches about it. When we give up the concept of having a whole year that is miraculous or horrible and break our lives down into manageable chunks of time like now, this minute or second, when we live, appreciate, experience, enjoy, suffer or whatever it is we need to be doing, it somehow becomes less daunting, easier to deal with and more survivable. Life is too short to bother with trying to stop cats rubbing their faces on heirloom carrots and far more interesting if you try to work out why they’re doing it!
My time has been taken up lately with managing my health, helping others manage my health and concentrating on what needs to be done to maximise my recovery from a very unpleasant infection which requires the skilled daily attention of the District Nurses, my G.P, my personal Chef (moi), Ricky Gervais, Radio National, Adam Hills, Tim Winton and numerous others, including Brad Branton, a team of cats, and my local Butcher, Co-op, Supermarket and supplier of imported Italian tiramisu, for the days when I can’t make my own (that’s 364 days a year!) and recognise that no-one knows comfort food like the Italians! If I was well enough, I’d go to Vasarelli’s, a much adored restaurant, run by the Vasarelli family – Mum and Dad make the wine, daughter is front of house and son is the Chef.( Perfection is their aim and they reach it in my eyes. Maybe they could be induced to supply Meals on Wheels!!! Now wouldn’t that be something? Real food for real people in real situations.
Good food and laughter go quite a way to helping with chronic disease and pain, illness, depression and other disorders of the mind. Many sufferers of depression have been irate at the suggestion that getting out of bed in the morning and going for a walk of increasing length each day can help lift depression. It is simple but it works. You just have to show up. As with many conditions, a list of the simplest of things can be the most useful –
*try to achieve something each day, it doesn’t matter how simple, how small, just do it
*try to do something for someone else each day
*try to do something for yourself each day
*laugh as often as possible, put yourself in the way of humour, comedy, seek out ways to laugh
*eat as well as you can – not large amounts, but food of good quality which appeals to the senses and is protein rich if you are healing
*accept all offers of support, you’ll be doing someone a favour when they want to help and care enough to offer, don’t insult them by refusing
*keep in touch with distant friends, they’re too precious to forget
*write, read, compose, create, learn – do whatever you can to keep you creative juices flowing
*allow your loved pets to keep you company on the bed or wherever you are resting, sleeping, healing, they will greatly assist you with their affection and attention
*use the gift of this time to make sense of what is happening to you

Here’s the link to some advice for adopters! Is it still optional to decide whether you want a child to know about his life prior to adoption? Wouldn’t not allowing that preclude prospective adopters from becoming adopters?For adoptive parents, it is important to decide whether you want your child to know about his past or not. If you decide to tell him his past, learn the correct way to do that, and if you don’t want to reveal the truth to him, avoid saying a few things which may shatter his life. Also, never use the word ‘real’ for addressing the child’s biological parents, because there is nothing like real and unreal when it comes to parenting
Read more at Buzzle: Things Not to Say to an Adopted Child.

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