Our Stories

ducklingsIt becomes more and more apparent that we adoptees will never achieve our goals and cannot seriously expect others to listen to us, hear us and acknowledge us, until we learn to listen to each other better, hear each one of our stories as individual, unique and important in the narrative of adoption. There is no one right pattern, mould or fit. We may see similarities in how we were treated, how we grew up and in the things we’ve had to deal with or will have to deal with. We may find understanding that we don’t find elsewhere, but until we find ways to explore our diversity, to throw off the straight-jacket that has been imposed on us by the popular adoption story, non-adoptees will continue to see us as happy, bitter, ungrateful or angry. We do ourselves no favours by bickering, squabbling, criticising, judging and creating factions of opposition, being harsh and fierce with each other over areas of our experience in which we could usefully be more compassionate, empathetic and kind! It’s tough going at times when we are dealing with PTSD, numerous triggers, ill health, insecurities and the numerous effects of adoption loss and trauma, both in ourselves and others.
That’s All! Have a great weekend. I’m off to enjoy a Christmas present voucher for a 24 hour stay at a Health Retreat which includes massage, spa, pool, gourmet meals and hopefully a totally relaxing and renewing time from which I will return refreshed and ready to continue my quest for better health and well-being. What a wonderful gift!!! Thank you to the giver, so thoughtful and welcome!

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3 thoughts on “Our Stories

  1. Enjoy your well-deserved Xmas treat! I love how you said this. I’ve been contemplating a similar blog theme and even wrote something up, but alas, I am afraid to post what I feel out of fear of the wrath of the angry set. (You were a lot more classy than my post would be!) P.

  2. The adoptee experience is indeed important. As you say adoptee´s experiences are diverse. We are lost in space, we loose track if we have no compass. One adoptee maybe happy that he/ she was stolen and kidnapped from a slum family, and found a loving caring permanent family abroad.- the other adoptee may oppose his/ her unmarried mother was forced to give away her baby. – All those experiences are valid.- the opinions formed based on this experiences, are equally valuable. So what is then right or wrong? Is it right to kidnapp a child for adoption? Is it wrong for unmarried mothers facing social stigma, to part with their children? We are all talking about “adoption”. The adoption itself, however isn´t really the isssue. The question is what happened BEFORE the adoption took place. If we would focus on this, then we can easily identify what may have gone wrong. There is the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child.- so if we put the ” seperation” and consequent ” adoption” in the Context of a child´s right, then only we can see clear. Of course- kidnapping can never be justified. It´s wrong.- simple. Neither should a child be seperated because the mother is unmarried. Both is clearly wrong.- Regardless of the experience of the adult adoptee. We need this compass and need to speak and talk about what was agreed upon on the the level of the United Nations in decade long negotiations. Let´s talk about Child Rights.- Check out each article of the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child. Of course- it also becomes clear, that no one has the right to withhold our original identies…and original birthcertificates.

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