So This is Christmas…….

What a year it has been! This time last year I was still very ill although looking as if I’d survive. I wished many times for a man like House to make a diagnosis, to tell me what was wrong, not just what the symptoms where and to help me to deal with whatever it was I needed to do to get well. He didn’t appear and I’m no closer to having any sensible solutions or advice offered by the medics. They’re at a loss but I cannot be. I have to live this life with whatever it contains and make the best of it despite chronic pain and symptoms which may or may not get better in time – not, is my guess.
Not long before Christmas I descended into a trough for a short time which gave me the time to wallow a bit and decide what to do. My family was a great support and decided to be pro-active, to take matters into their own hands and get things moving for me. My daughter took me to a Naturopath for an assessment and treatment, she made up a herbal rub for my legs and regularly uses her Reiki skills to help me with the pain and RLS which is so very painful and intrusive in my life. I noticed improvement immediately, but know it will be a long slow haul to get wherever I’m going. I’m considering all options because I have nothing to lose and a great deal to gain.
I may even dig into the adoption trauma and loss for a final time if I can find someone skilled enough to do a good job. The final layer of the onion which may lay to rest my health problems, the problems that have been with me through life in one form or another. Perhaps nothing will heal the hurt of mother-loss, it feels raw and deep again, the very time to try while it is accessible and near the surface. House where are you now? 250px-HouseGregoryHouse
Life has held many other things besides challenges, heart-break, chronic pain and hard work. These guys have been a constant comfort with their charm, their feel good skills and their amusing antics. Life goes on for them, new goslings appear, they make the best of life and their chances. What would life have been without them?
IMG_8010AUTUMN The beauty of the year was inspiring. When we visited this garden I was still in a wheelchair and had to be manoeuvered around the damp paths, under the dripping trees and into closed spaces where the going was tough. Symbolic of life and change happened eventually – it just takes time to look at the long view, to be patient with change and not to expect fast developments.
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A favourite beach here which always refreshes, inspires and nourishes the soul. To have been born and to now live again in the same part of the world is of great comfort and joy to me, the familiar around me, the stories held in memory, treasured and revisited. I hold them like a warm comforter, reliable, always available.
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Fuchsias seem to have been a theme in my life. They have grown in some of the important gardens of my life. I enjoy the simple beauty, the combination of colours and the movement of the flowers in a breeze. I had thought I would never garden again, but find that with some changes to the area outside the house that I will be able to continue on a small sale. It takes time, the effort is greater and my unsteadiness has to be allowed for, but it is possible and anticipated with interest and enthusiasm. I have plans, hopes and goals!! fuscia bush
Christmas was wonderful. Not least for the fact that I began to plan, to prepare and to enjoy, when last year passed me by, I could not participate and it all went on around me. The progress was encouraging and gratifying. We enjoyed a beautiful family day with cousins, a new baby in our midst experiencing his first Christmas.(He was a bit grizzly and tired from all the festivities and really needed a quiet day at home) The talk was lively, humourful and turned eventually, as it always does, to our family origins, our roots and our connections. The way was opened for me to tell about my reunion, my father’s history and how it impacted on my half-siblings and on me. I could not have asked for more receptive or understanding listeners. I came out of it feeling validated, understood and as always, accepted by my afamily. Two other members of the afamily have their own stories to tell – an older sister lost to adoption and now found; a mother who made no excuses or explanations for why her husband raised her boy as his own and did not tell him, but did not deny it when he discovered 50 years later!
Christmas and this break from routine has been much anticipated, prepared for and now enjoyed to the max. It has been everything that could have been hoped for and will set us up for the new year ahead. It has given us pause for thought, been a space for reflection, a battery recharge and a time to connect and reconnect.
I hope it has been for you too. Whatever has happened I hope it has given the opening for new direction, new challenges and new opportunities. Very best wishes for the new year ahead to all who read here, share here and are part of the enormous world that is adoption, adoption reform, adoption activism and adoption progress. We adoptees who live the adopted life never stop being adopted, never stop wanting to be equal, to have our rights and to see the non-adopted become honest, truthful and fully informed about adoption. There is a long way to go, the progress of last year was encouraging.

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4 thoughts on “So This is Christmas…….

  1. I dreamt last night someone asked me about being adopted. I said I was OK now but a part of me was embedded so deep I could not reach it or that pain. My prayers to you Von for a healing 2014 and beyond.

    • Thanks Dear Trace. May you have good health and abundance this year. Yes I sometimes think it is buried so deep it will never all be accessible. Perhaps it doesn’t matter..it is what it is……

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