Vulnerable Adoption

silentA comment on a recent post has reminded me that we can so easily become bogged down in the current state of play in adoption, depressed by the many faults in adoption, the inconsistencies, the lies, hypocrisy, double standards and deliberate misinformation, misleading actions and dishonesty.There is not much to love if you are looking at the whole picture. There is not much to love if you are looking at the small picture. Taking my own adoption which could be, and is, viewed as a ‘good adoption’, because I wasn’t overtly abused, I was fed, clothed and housed, given an education and opportunities. On the micro level I suffered mother-loss, as all adoptees do, whether they are in a position to recognise it or not and sometimes it takes decades. I suffered the trauma of sudden weaning, placement with strangers who were inexperienced in parenting and all the usual things adoptees raise as difficulties – feeling alone; not being with anyone who is like them or who understands; feeling out of place; stigma; not understanding the adoption, why it happened and what it was about; being subject to lies,being given misinformation and deliberately misled about the past and my own history and so on……. along with all the usual things it seems girls are subject to growing up – abuse of various sorts, being expected to conform to the social norms, following the rules about behaviour, not getting pregnant etc. All the things we adoptees are told are not important, to forget about and to stop grizzling about because they don’t matter or that others suffer those things or similar things and therefore it’s ‘normal’ are the things we are expected to shut up about, bury and never raise. Most of us in some way or another, over time, manage to come to terms with those things, or most of them. Some of them may trouble us always, but we live with them , we have no choice and we have to have lives or we would all do as some do, commit suicide or go mad, driven crazy by the contradictions, the irreconcilable, the unknowable and what has been deliberately and purposely kept from us, possibly locked away or even, as is so for many of us, destroyed forever and not retrievable. It is no coincidence that my fellow adoptees sometimes take the same route, because part of them is missing, cannot be found and will never be found, however hard they look or wherever they look. Not only are they given no assistance, they are actively denied, prevented and legislated against. How many people in our society and communities are legislated against, their basic rights denied and prevented by law? I can think of no other group subjected to this abuse and no other group in which it is seen as acceptable and in which the abuse is promoted by legislators and adults and is seen as desirable, humane and moral. It is none of those things and it is impossible to see how it can be considered so by anyone who takes the rights of others seriously and who values their own rights. Suppose those people were suddenly informed that there was a law which prevented them from leaving the country, having contact with their family or having a birth certificate? There would be a public outcry! And swift moves to overturn the law, and the legislators!
With all this and the illegalities of transracial adoption, the trafficking of babies, the orphan trade and the promotion of the orphan crisis much of which is a product of poverty and greed, white entitlement and increasing infertility and do-goodery, it is amazing that any adoptee is able to have a life, to remain optimistic and not to be bogged down in the morass, to become depressed by the extent of the tasks, the huge weight of the bad, the ugly, the outright immoral and the illegal. Those who appear to negotiate these aspects of the adopted life are those who do something! They don’t bemoan their fate, endlessly rehash their situation, they actively seek change both on the micro level in their own personal lives and often at the macro level, finding an area in which they can work for change, promote change and be change. They write books, make films, organise film festivals, events, support groups or just get together with other adoptees to make sense of their experiences, put them in context and see a way forward. They look for the countless avenues in which we can talk the talk, walk the walk, talk the walk and walk the talk! As with any depressive situation, any depression, we can make it much better if we become active, if we begin by taking tiny steps, if we do something to take ourselves ‘Beyond Blue’, out into the world and into life. Change can be scary but small steps can make it less so, make it possible and lead to bigger changes. Change is happening for adoptees because we are speaking out, finding our voices and letting it be known that the way we are viewed and treated is no longer acceptable, was never acceptable and will not be acceptable in the future. Non-adoptees you’re on notice! Time for you to change too!
Here’s David Smolin’s latest article on adoption in case you missed it –
This article provides an extensive analysis of the corrupting influence of the United States on the development and present workings of the intercountry/international adoption system. A context for this corrupting influence is provided through a careful analysis of the theoretical and practical vulnerabilities of the intercountry adoption system. The distinctive approaches of the United States to social work, adoption, human rights, children’s rights, constitutional law and humanitarian intervention also provides careful analysis. The article is designed to be practical in providing both a clear guide to those interested in reforming the United States’ approach to intercountry adoption and related matters, and also to governments, NGOs and others in other nations who interact with or consider interacting with the United States on these issues. While the article presents a clearly defended point of view, it seeks to also take account of diverse viewpoints, both within and outside of the United States. The article goes beyond this author’s prior analyses of the distinctive problem of child laundering/child trafficking in intercountry adoption, to provide a rigorous analysis of both the global effort to construct a viable, safe, reliable and ethical intercountry adoption system, and the roles of the United States in relationship to that effort

"The Corrupting Influence of the United States on a Vulnerable Adoption" by David M. Smolin.

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One thought on “Vulnerable Adoption

  1. Reblogged this on lara (author-blogger) and commented:
    With all this and the illegalities of transracial adoption, the trafficking of babies, the orphan trade and the promotion of the orphan crisis much of which is a product of poverty and greed, white entitlement and increasing infertility and do-goodery, it is amazing that any adoptee is able to have a life, to remain optimistic and not to be bogged down in the morass, to become depressed by the extent of the tasks, the huge weight of the bad, the ugly, the outright immoral and the illegal.

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