Equestria and Ecstatica

I have been trying hard recently to understand what is known in adoption circles as ‘baby lust’, probably an expression used in other places also, but in adoption it particularly relates to the insatiable desire a woman has to ‘possess’ another woman’s baby, often at any cost. I had never seen it in ‘real’ life and did so the other day in an unlikely place, where three women had got together with their three adopted daughters, still infants. There was something about the facial expressions that made my skin crawl, I couldn’t get past that, to hear what they were saying or talking about. I am pretty worldly-wise, I’ve seen and heard things many people do not. I have spent a great deal of time in the company of women and babies. I have never seen anyone look at a baby that way. I realise now how naive I was!
Perhaps my fellow Adoptee and Author Trace, is coming somewhere near to an explanation, with her post at http://networkedblogs.com/OK1ZG She concludes her post – I have a new theory. It’s a crazy world out there. People want to feel better so they’ll rescue someone, in this case a baby, and this “giving” back will create euphoria in their brain chemistry. I think the adoption industry has manipulated and used “adopting babies” as the wonder drug that clouds the mind from adoption reality. (They also steer clear of the adoptee perspective or Nancy Verrier’s Primal Wound in their adoption propaganda.) So these righteous saviors of babies are on a mission to feel better about themselves. Adopting makes them high.
It is perhaps no accident that Adoption Ministries are popping up all over the Christian Evanglical world. Participants are being whipped into a frenzy by their leaders, visiting leaders who are often adopters and by those who wish to build ‘strong’ adoption communities where families support each other in their adoptions. Saving orphans is a cause to feel fervent about, a cause which produces passion, arouses strong feelings, allows participants to express their desires, beliefs, the dizzying power of love and the need to feel that someone powerful and all knowing is in charge, takes responsibility and is guiding the strong feelings and sometimes overpowering emotions – ecstasy is hard to handle, it can be frightening and hard to tell the source – self, devil or deity.
Again and again, throughout history, moments of collective ecstasy have degenerated into bloody orgies of scapegoating. Ecstasy often leads to a supercharged version of the ‘Us versus Them’ mentality. A group feels mystically fused together, and then refuses to tolerate bystanders or outsiders. It’s like a homicidal version of the Hokey Cokey: either join the dance, or die – See more at: http://philosophyforlife.org/could-there-be-a-skeptical-ecstasy/?
Again and again we adult Adoptees see the intolerance, the Hokey-Cokey in adoption, as we are persecuted for our views and beliefs. We are treated as ‘bystanders’ and ‘outsiders’ by the ‘Us’ group which views adult Adoptees as ‘Them’, or in particular the adult Adoptees who express their true feelings about adoption, their own adoption and the effects of adoption are not ‘Us’ because they are not believers in the beautiful rainbow spangled adoption where unicorns prance and all is love and goodness, a bit like the My Little Pony world of Equestria with only the good bits of Once Upon a Time…..

Baby Adoptees have no voice, no long history or adopted life to draw from, so they are a safe bet, easy to commodify, designate as ‘paper orphans’ and easy to influence, adapt, indoctrinate, brainwash and fuse into the group where only certain views are tolerated. Time and again we hear from adult Adoptees about their experiences of growing up in a ‘fused together’ group where they must ‘dance, or die’. Tragically some do die, others escape to dance their own dance, march to the beat of their own drum in a safer place.
Here is a quote from a current blog entitled ‘Lured Home’ and Daniel’s comments on it at http://danielibnzayd.wordpress.com/2013/09/05/an-open-letter-to-peas It always amazes me how, without discussion, we adult Adoptees gravitate towards a topic and write on it quite separately, often having to add references after the post has been scheduled, as I have today!
We feel that a child without a parent is still…a child without a parent…no matter where they are from or their skin color. We are excited that the “image” of our new family will be a constant reminder and testimony for everyone. Just seeing us with an Asian child will expose everyone who comes in contact with us to the idea of adoption. We love the spiritual picture of adoption, as it mirrors how God has adopted each one of us.
Older Adoptees are more problematic. I wish I had kept the link to the article written by an adopter who adopted four teens into America from Europe. Her complaints were along the lines of their failures to give up their allegiances to their Motherland, their love of their own food and above all their failure to embrace her religious beliefs and give up their own when they were being given such a marvellous opportunity! I have returned again and again to this example because it says so much about what is wrong with adoption today. It is possibly this case, thanks to Pound Puppy Legacy for clarity –
Four children including one girl and three boys from Ukraine were adopted from an orphanage near Kiev in 2001. The three boys are siblings.
In 2003, at the age of 13, the girl became pregnant, claiming the father was her adopted brother. She was moved to the Liberty God Parents Home, where she delivered the baby, which was subsequently placed for adoption.
At the time a new adoptive home was sought for her. One of the boys was in foster care system at the time of the pregnancy and was expected to be sent back to Ukraine. What happened to the other boys is unknown.

Adoptees will be well aware why this is an example of what is wrong with adoption today and do not need it spelled out for them. If you do, here are just a few of the reasons
* adoption should never be a ‘four for the price of one’ activity, unless there are very special circumstances
* Adoptees should never be expected to give up their beliefs, their allegiances, their connections
* adoption is no place for seizing the opportunity to proselytize, to indoctrinate,to brainwash or to try to force someone with no power to follow your beliefs
* American ‘culture’, religious opportunities, lifestyle may look the best in the world if you are American, but they certainly do not when viewed from elsewhere
* Adoptees should never be used to advertise adoption or our good intentions – we are people and deserve respect!
* no one has the right to take away another’s identity, history, culture, rights or beliefs


2 thoughts on “Equestria and Ecstatica

  1. The synergy of those on the same wavelength!

    I want to say only that whereas I used to believe that the discussion of how adoptive parents basically mimic their country’s foreign policy and enact it via adoption was one of education. And for many APs, this is the case, and for many, there is finally an admitting that they have something to answer for, and I’m thankful to have them “in the fold” as it were as advocates and fellow activists.

    But there is something quite disturbing, especially among the Evangelical adopters, when this mimicking of the most wretched aspects of colonialism and missionarism is actually the goal; this becomes in fact what they are setting out to do with full knowledge aforethought.

    When someone running for president of the United States* can make reference to ideological frameworks and the authors thereof who advocate that slavery was, in fact, beneficial to the “pagan” Africans because it brought them out of their ignorance and “saved” them, then there is no hope in discussing, or educating, or advocating.

    At which point the only thing to really fall back on is revolution. I say this in all seriousness.

    *Michele Bachmann: http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2011/08/15/110815fa_fact_lizza

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s