Here at Poddler’s Creek it is prime goose weather. There are many poddling sites and the creek is running vigorously for the first time this year. It has rained heavily for days, even snowed in the place where I grew up and where I will visit for my birthday treat tomorrow. It will be a simple lunch in an organic cafe, warm and buzzing with life and chat. Then a trip to a bookshop to buy a longed for book, the history of the area, with mentions the wonderful old stone house where I grew up. I will breathe the air I knew as a child, see the places I knew and loved and be in touch with those delicate and vulnerable feelings I had as a child. I will be again that child of loss, my mother gone, unknown and unnamed. I will feel the hole in my heart that will never be mended and feel the wounds of adoption that have afflicted me for 70 years, less one month. It is a special birthday and I have already purchased my gift to myself so that I can wear it on the day – a necklace to wear either long or short and to feel comfortable with. In a very appropriate moment, I bought it from a mother and daughter team in a small favourite shop, while accompanied by my own daughter. There was something very beautiful about the symmetry which I relished. I felt very supported and validated in this gesture to myself and it marks the first year when I will be able to know that I honour that injured child, the baby who lost her mother with pain and distress, as an adult adoptee who has learned to live with it, healed as far as possible and can successfully deal with whatever adoption throws me. Perhaps there are no surprises left, perhaps there are, but it will all be part of the rich tapestry of life which I enjoy, look forward to watching unfold and now have the time to appreciate and contemplate.
If you have never had the pleasure of visiting Rima’s blog, this is her latest, with the photos of the development of her latest work, which has many characteristics of a Medieval tapestry.