Good Adoption

Adoption is really taking children from the poor and giving to the rich. Adoption Trafficking is coercive language that in the end, the person of ‘power’ manipulates the vulnerable parent, typically the mother, out of her child. The end goal is to fulfill the demand of wanting infertile adopters and financially benefiting the industry. The adoption fees are disguised as the costs to ‘process’ the child for adoption and can cost as high as $60,000+ for each transaction. It’s modern day, 21st century, legalized child trafficking. Think of how much that $60,000 could help a community in Uganda, China, India keeping families together. Instead it’s an undercurrent of corruption in foreign countries all happening from the demand of rich Westerners. The middle man (adoption agencies) strips away the true identity of the child and the adopter buys the child, so he or she will become one of their ‘own’.
While there can be no disagreement about the facts of adoption as stated above, as so many thousands upon thousands of us can testify, I want to refer to the postcard above the statement, part of a longer post at the link. Seeing adoption as ‘positive’ or ‘negative’, often as ‘good adoption’ or ‘bad adoption’ is unhelpful, negative in itself and part of the problem with adoptionspeak which likes to put things in boxes and usually closes the lid! It is dismissive, insulting, ignorant and displays a refusal to see adoption for what it really is – our stories, our lives and the history of our ‘culture’, our ‘tribe’ and our people, those some like to refer to as The Bastard Nation. We are the dispossessed, the displaced, the stolen, trafficked, traded, bought and sold, deceived, degraded, stigmatised, the unwanted, the unloved and the misplaced.
We make our through the world, sometimes assisted, loved and cared for by those who are secondary carers, try to be good parents against the odds. We struggle with identity, with the lies and concealments which protect others, their identity, secrets, reputations, position, authority and hypocrisy. We bear the burden of loss, the griefs of others, their unresolved anguish and pain and are expected to make it right, to cure and mend, to patch up, make whole and allow the pretence of healing which does not and has not happened.
We are abused in other ways too numerous to detail, none excusable, when we should have been protected by those who placed us and were involved in our early days. There are no excuses for any of it and we do the best we can with what we have. We are told we are ‘negative’ when we speak of these things and that ignoring and denying the aspects of adoption which have formed our lives is ‘positive’. We are told to forget the past, that it is not important. We are derided, berated, contradicted, ridiculed for speaking our truth, praised, coddled, patronised, petted and rewarded for being ‘good’ adoptees’, confusing to many and an emotional blackmail for staying in that stage of the adopted life which some name the ‘Stockholm Syndrome’. Treating us this way is infantilising, adoptist and not encouraging to those on the path we all must travel to wholeness, acceptance, reality and the completeness of knowing we are the best we can be, know the most we can and understand the hidden parts of our lives, the unknowable, the unanswered and the unanswerable. There will always be for us, deep wells of the unknown. We have to learn to live with that, to go where we can, uncover what is possible, discover what there is. Conquering deep space is nothing compared with this, a quest of unmeasurable proportions, unknowable length or duration! When non-adoptees talk about the ‘negative’ side of adoption, perhaps they might stop to think how very little they know, how short a distance they have to travel and what the odds are!

4 thoughts on “Good Adoption

  1. Pingback: Good Adoption | The Almost Daughter & More

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