The Paradigm Shift

A link worth checking –

Naming the Perpetrator: Language and “Violence Against Women” » Sociological Images.

If you view this very interesting video, take a look at the comments, the first in particular. The commenter either didn’t watch the video, didn’t want to change their viewpoint or wanted to pick a few nits. Hard to open minds to change and even harder to make that paradigm shift, but it will never happen if we never try. I particularly like the point made that violence against women, and men, is not a women’s problem but a men’s problem! The illustration of America’s Penn State to indicate the necessity for men in power and leadership roles to provide real leadership to other men and boys and to change how they deal with the abuse of others could not have been clearer. A prime example.

Here in Australia we have just seen an example of a racist taunt made during a football game, which was handled by the player, who was the subject, and by his club, in a surprising, sensitive and encouraging way. The 13 year old girl who made the taunt has apologised directly to the player, spoken to him by phone and written to him. The Boss of the Club, not always known for his tact, has handled the situation in the very best way he could for a good outcome all round. Everyone is satisfied with the results and all have walked away having learned something which has been changing.
In the world of adoption, we adoptees need to take a lesson from those who experience racism, sexism and other types of abuse and how they handle it. We encounter abuse all the time as adoptism, in addition to other types of abuse. Non-adoptees seem to consider it their right to abuse adoptees. We find a full range of abuses from the horrendous sexual, physical and emotional abuse of young adoptees, sometimes resulting in their tragic and lonely death at the hands of an adopter or two, to the verbal abuses of the unthinking, the unknowing or the uncaring. Many adoptee bloggers or commenters on blogs are regularly targeted, deliberately, consciously and with intent, told that their truth is vile, that they should learn to live a useful life, use their experience for good and so on. This sort of vilification goes along with abusive remarks about our personal experiences, for which there is no excuse in any circumstances. Most of us are very familiar with the formula, they all come from the same book of words and could have been written by the same person. This sort of adoptism is like a plague, a virus spreading through a community which likes to believe it is right, knows adoption and can hear nothing outside it’s own preaching. So much for caring for the widow, the orphan and the alien!
It seems it is ok to care for the orphan as long as the orphan does it your way, believes what you believe and speaks as you do!
Check out this blog post and the comments for some excellent examples of adoptee abuse where adoptees have offered insights and views only to be told by non-adoptees that they are smug, self-satisfied and bitter! It so often seems non-adoptees are out of their depth, swimming frantically against the tide and grasping at anything to save them. Nothing will, it is too late. When those in positions of power and influence, that includes us all in in own spheres of life, begin to change the language and views of adoption to encompass the truth of it and how we deal with the abuse of adoptees, as we see happening already, the prejudiced and adoptist will become increasingly isolated, dinosaurs in a changing world. Whether they adapt or box themselves in completely, will be up to them, the opportunities for change present themselves constantly.
If you haven’t already, please read Daniel’s excellent post -


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