Interesting link to another movie I’m never likely to see, but you might. I’m sure I’m not alone in my unease about the increasing use of abortion to select the sex of children to be born. I have heard of one twin being aborted in an example that is gut-wrenching. It’s brings many questions about parenting, those who parent in such circumstances and the doctors who are prepared to carry out ‘cosmetic abortion’ –
Perhaps there is some ground where opposing groups can come together on some aspects of this increasing practice.
Perhaps I am alone in being concerned about some of the growing aspects of current reproductive technology – the use of material from three donors brought together in a country unconnected to that of any of the contributors or the eventual ‘parents’ of the eventual ‘product’, the rainbow children some doctors talk of proudly, as if they have achieved something! In terms of reproductive medicine they have of course, but ethics, common sense, and any idea of how life might be for the ‘products’ seems to be sadly missing!
If I am alone in my concern it would not be the first time, I have been a ‘fringe dweller’, a position I am quite used to in the world of adoption and adoption related topics. I have been accused of all sorts of things in past times, including being ‘pro-adoption’, perhaps the most insulting thing that particular mother of loss could think of to level at me! I refuse to be boxed and labelled for the convenience of others and I try in the views I hold to reflect my beliefs, the things I have learned from my experience and what I believe to be fair, ethical and humane. So for instance, I will not, as some do, totally condemn adoption because I know that it will always be necessary for a tiny, few children who cannot and should not be raised by their biological parents because it is dangerous, unsafe and potentially abusive.
I also hold the belief held from way back in the ’70’s when it was commomplace, the ethos of where I worked, that it was wrong to place children outside their own racial group. There was sound reasoning behind this and those reasons hold good today. When you remove a child from his/her culture, country, mother tongue and biological heritage you strip someone of their identity, take away their name and connections. It is a bit like ripping a plant from it’s particular niche in it’s specialised habitat and transporting it to the other side of the world, planting it in a habitat which is so different that it can receive no nourishment to flourish. Children of course are slightly more resilient than plants, which are more specialised, but the damage may not mend, there will always be scars, losses, gaps and dilemmas for the adoptee to deal with, live with and somehow come to terms with. In reading the blogs and writings of transnational adoptees we find many things they have in common and wrestle with – not speaking their mother tongue fluently, being raised white by white parents, suffering racism and discrimination, not feeling at home in their motherland, not understanding cultural distinctions, being part of a diaspora without choice and many other aspects caused by adoption. We see so very often adopters who appear not to care about the future life of the adoptee, the effects of adoption, it’s legacy. As adoptees often say ‘adoption is the gift that just keeps on giving’.
Try this link for a similar theme -http://harlowmonkey.typepad.com/harlows_monkey/2013/03/eitherorbothand.html
Sadly so many, many adopters do not seem to understand or even recognise what they are promoting when they adopt transnationally. They appear to go into it unprepared, full of beliefs but not knowledge, facts or hard evidence. They either avoid the contributions of adult adoptees, or if they engage with them, manage to patronise them, belittle or try to invalidate their experience. Adoptees are told that ‘adoption is much better now’, ‘we are sorry you suffered but it isn’t like that now’ and are dismissive of what is clearly racist or abusive parenting. It is with great dismay that many adult adoptees view the practices of ‘good, christian parenting’ which involve lengths of hose pipe, beatings, withdrawal of food, ostracism, shaming, holding therapies and behaviour which is clearly bullying, abusive and destructive. I have read any number of comments and blogs by adopters who express a range of views including amazement that anyone could be ‘anti-adoption’; a sort of defiant attitude which accepts nothing, precludes everything and insists on one way being best; a total lack of understanding as to why it might not be the best thing to have a huge welcome home party at the airport or a big party the first evening after arrival; a complete absence of research into adoption; a denial that adoption has many faces and that it is in the best interests of young adoptees if those are investigated and so on. It is of course hard to estimate how many of those adopters there are out there in adoptionland, mostly America and how many adopters are quietly getting on with trying to do the best job they can of adoptive parenting, a very different can of worms to parenting biological children.
There are some adoptees and mothers who castigate adopters, all adopters, and insist that they are vultures, child stealers and they take every opportunity to make those views known. It is an extreme position which takes no account of reality when it insists for instance that all children were stolen and /or paid for. There are occassions when the actions of adopters deserve castigation and we see those examples in the accounts of some of the rich and famous of the adoptions they have been involved in. We see it in the actions of some adopters when they give accounts of the adoptions they undertook in which they had reservations that what they were doing was wrong but they pursued it anyway.In those instances they were aware that the children had parents and it became increasingly obvious but they still did nothing, in one case insisting they wanted hard evidence, as if the feelings, tears and heartbreak of the children was not enough!
Those who castigate seem to have forgotten that the adopters they blame, rile, criticise and disagree with are raising the next generation of adoptees. These young adoptees will form the next group of adult adoptees, be part of a diaspora, the next generation of adoption activists and will probably have to suffer some of the same injustices, lack of civil rights and stigmatisation as the previous generations. Progress comes slowly. It might move faster if all were on board to move things along.