Naming

It’s a wonderful thing to find someone who is genuinely an expert, so skilled at what they do that they are perfection!! Yours truly has had a difficult few days medically speaking with invasive procedures and more tests. It ended with a battery of the dreaded blood tests, phials and phials, which my collector remarked they only ask for from those it’s hardest to collect it from! To my intense relief she used  a technique never used on me before, which made it painless, quick and so easy. Such a mundane thing, something so basic, but it made my day and cheered me enormously. I would now travel great distances to have her do this for me when necessary, it made such a difference. It looks very much as  if we may now have a break through, just putting a name to something can often be so helpful.

And that in adoption is something we adoptees know so well. Being able to put a name to something, whether it is the circumstances of our conception, the reasons for our adoption or the names of those related to us, the place we were born or our original name – the one I often call my real name. All those things others take for granted, never have to think about, question or doubt. For many of us the scant details we are told are often incorrect, misleading, false information or deliberately disguising to protect others. We can never totally rely on what we have been told until we have proof which can’t be refuted. That in itself is tricky as we may need to act on something without proof in order to get at the truth. For instance after my mother told me the name of my father I had no proof, still haven’t and will never have, that he was my father, but I had to act as if he was, in order to put the pieces of the puzzle together which would give me the nearest I could get to proof. I remember marvelling that none of my half-sibs ever doubted my claim. When I asked one sister about it she said – ‘Why wouldn’t you be telling the truth about something like that’. It was comforting to be trusted!

How little we adoptees can trust it seems, with the truth being one of the biggest casualties in the world of adoption. For example, as our fellow adoptee Murray has stated in a post on FB – Doctors broke the law, but as the medical profession stated back then, “The law is the last thing we should be concerned about when it comes to the single mother and her baby.” That is an actual quote from the medical profession in this country from the time. So many illegalities and irregularities in adoptions both formal and informal, which have come to haunt adoptees, to make our lives difficult in ways that probably weren’t envisaged or would perhaps have been cared about if they had been. The object it seems was to get us placed, not bother about what happened next or in the rest of our lives, because the act of placement was so removed from the realities of the adopted life. When we were viewed as blank slates, easily transplanted and one mother seen as a substitute for another in the sort of societies where adoption thrives, anything is possible, is said to have success and can be achieved through ignorance, assumption and fixed ideas.

There are those non-adoptees who are quick to state that adoption is not like it used to be! How they know since they weren’t there and are not adoptees one can only guess! Perhaps their agency told them, in preparing them for dealing with what they like to view as the negative thinking, the ‘joy suckers’ and the speakers of ‘vile words’. I’m told some agencies have a list to blogs not to visit if you are considering adoption!

Attempts to keep the truth at bay, to avoid reality and to leave the hard bits unacknowledged happen all the time, just as they always have. In some ways adoption practice is worse than it has ever been because it is based on even more fraudulent information than it ever was – the plight of transnational adoptees who are viewed as ‘orphans’ but are not; the deception of mothers who are led to believe they are giving the greatest gift of all in giving their baby for adoption; the attitude of young women to adoption, encouraged by the industry, the media and the lack of connect with what they are doing and the outcomes for the child; the idea that adoption is beautiful;  the views that open adoption makes it all o.k. and so on. Since adoption practice gives the illusion of getting better but gets worse you’d have to wonder where to next?

Leaving you on an entirely different note. Couldn’t resist sharing with you this great new set of Road trip stamps just issued by Australia Post. I’m predicting they’ll be a sell out very quickly. So Summery and evocative!!  Well done Aussie Post!    Have a great weekend All.

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