Just Adoption

Here’s a great link, thanks to my prickly friend, on a blog not far from here, but please don’t look if you don’t understand irony or adoption humour or anything ending in -ist –   derailingfordummies  Definitely not for those who think the line in that new movie they’re all talking about is hilarious!

And so to this – a story about what I call ‘just’ adoption –two-s’pore-couples-want-kids-but-not-their-own   When children come in (from other countries) as infants, there is no difference between him or her and someone who is born in Singapore. They’ll grow up with other Singaporeans, speak like us, live and eat like us, so they won’t be any different from us,” he said.
He argues that new citizens who are brought in at working-age are less able to sacrifice their own behaviour and way of life to assimilate better here, as compared to an infant, who would spend his or her entire life growing up in Singapore, being raised by local parents.

And the views of another couple or rather of another male partner: – Between procedures and costs, Ong says it could be cheaper to adopt than to give birth in Singapore, with a Vietnamese baby girl costing “a few hundred U.S. dollars” and a baby boy costing between US$5,000 and US$6,000 — although the main difficulty would come with adoption procedures on Singapore’s end.
With respect to this, Ong hopes that the procedures involved will be simplified further in the future, to further encourage couples to adopt, whether locally or from overseas.
“We don’t mind going through tests to ensure we are mentally and psychologically healthy to adopt a child—it’s also good for the children. I’m really not against all that, but at least make it a little bit easier so young parents-to-be will be less daunted.”

Adoption is so simple for non-adoptees!  Have you noticed how often the word just is used when people speak about adoption, not in the examples above, but you can almost hear it and you certainly see it in many other examples, freely available on blogs, in articles, magazines and newsletters.

Adoption is just another solution to the problem of finding workers, bring them in early and they can be trained into the acceptable way of life and assimilated easily. Adoption is the answer to so many things! Poverty, child abuse, infertility, orphanages, population explosion, adult needs and wants, family building without having to do the messy birth thing, disabilist regimes, eugenics, population control and how interesting that the countries most critical of some of those things are the countries where adoption is highest from the countries criticised!  There are other solutions which preserve families, sanity, respect for women and integrity.

An argument for on the pros and cons of  ivf-versus-adoption-why-just-adopt-is-not-the-answer  we were always clear that adoption doesn’t – mustn’t – produce children for the convenience of waiting parents. There are others involved, after all, full-fledged people with complicated needs: birth families and children, who aren’t simply a “hungry mouth.” I couldn’t ignore the fact that even the most open, straightforward, ethical adoptions – adoptions that are successful by anyone’s definition — can still entail a tremendous sense of loss. That concerned me deeply. And that’s just one example of adoption’s numberless complexities. There really is no “just adopt,” and we’re not all equipped to take the issues on. That doesn’t make us unworthy of parenthood, but it can mean that adoption isn’t right for us.

And then something like this: – my-husband-and-i-just-adopted-two-girls-300628 indicting that someone who thought they knew did not. How many, many adopters are there out in adoptionland learning  the lessons, going the hard yards at the expense of adoptees because no-one prepared them adequately for the task they were about to take on, no one gave then honest answers, let alone put some honest questions their way about child rearing, child care, child management, child development and the special needs of adoptees who suffer loss and traumas other children do not. No-one would ever deny that some children, non-adoptees, do not have an easy childhood with their biological parents who can be abusive, neglectful, suffering psychiatric illnesses, conditions and be disconnected, lacking in care, love, parenting abilities and so on. Adoptees suffer those things too and sometimes torture, severe abuse and death at the hands of adopters in addition to the particular hallmarks of adoption which we adoptees all know and love!! Lack of rights, stigma, adoptism, identity issues, trauma, loss, the mask of adoption, being cut off from our roots and so on. For many of us who have children and grand-children the inter-generational effects of adoption are being experienced and suffered by our families – they are many and deserve a separate post to do them justice and honour our offspring and their experiences of adoption through us and what was done to us.

It is, when it is not irritating, very sad to see the ignorance non-adoptees display when they express opinions about something they think they know about because they have adopted, know an adoptee or live next door to one! These days there are countries where many have a personal connection to an adoptee because adoption is so prevalent, popular,  fashionable or directed by a higher order. That entitlement to a viewpoint, when it is not a correct one, has done more damage to adoption and adoptees than almost anything else, other than the lack of rights and the hypocrisy of legislators, advocates and those who pander to the adoption industry through their work, involvement, books, videos or ‘teachings’.

This little gem would be funny if it wasn’t so very sad and banal: – charlize-theron-talks-adoption-on-ellen/

 It just feels exactly how it’s supposed to feel. I don’t know how to describe it. It just feels right.”

“From the moment this baby came into our home….those two dogs have never been more in love. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever witnessed,” Charlize said about her two pups welcoming Jackson

Another ‘just’ and it’s all so easy when you don’t know the answers but think you do – you-should-just-adopt

Adoption will never be just while

  •  adoptees do not have the same rights as others to identity and records, information and family
  • some profit from the transfer of babies and children from one family to another
  • some adults feel more entitled than others to raise children
  • relative poverty is considered a good reason for adoption
  • exploitation of one country by another underlies adoption
  • adoption is a calling and a salvation
  • the true meanings of adoption for adoptees are overlooked
  • adoption is seen as simple
  • the myths of adoption are unchallenged and unchanged
  • adult adoptees views are not taken into account, taken seriously or accepted as valid
  • adoption is seen as gifting a baby
  • adopters and prospective adopters consider they have rights to take over pregnancy,  birth and any time the mother may share with the baby
  • adoption is seen as a way to colonise a group of people, use them as blank slates and turn them into what you need
  • adoption continues to be regarded as simple, ethical and justifiable
  • the very best outcomes for children are worked for, supported and believed in

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s